So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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