Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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