Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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