The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
