worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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