im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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