If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
