i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
