I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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