I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
