Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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