Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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