I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
