Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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