So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
