Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even my vagina gasped.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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