end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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