All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
