Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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