Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
