I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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