i was born a porn star she said
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
