i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
