So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
