I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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