it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
