I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
