Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
