i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
