True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think your dad took our porno
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
