you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
