i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
