You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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