Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
