The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
