why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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