Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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