dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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