she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
