so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
