nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
