just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
