She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
