she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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