That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
