brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
