Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
