the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize