Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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