You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
