Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
