I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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