Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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