Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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