just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
