enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
