you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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