Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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