**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
