:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
