is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
