so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
