Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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