your thong is hanging out like whoa
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
