I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
