well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When are your genitals available?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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