so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
