I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
