we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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